"If by 'action', you mean 'the puss'" is one of the best phrases I've read on Reddit.

  • @sloaney: You are one of the manliest men of whom I have ever heard. What is your morning routine that begins a day of badassery?
  • @nickofferman: I awaken. I consume oxygen, then bacon, eggs and black coffee, then my wife, then bacon.
  • @tripsmick: Best way to cook Bacon & Eggs?
  • @nickofferman: In an iron skillet, over a fire of oak at your cabin.

Parks & Recreation

  • Leslie: What's wrong with you, grouchy pants.
  • Ron Swanson: I've been fasting all day to save room for Mulligans.
  • Leslie Knope: Fasting's not healthy for you, Ron.
  • Ron Swanson: Leslie, you need to understand. We are heading to the most special place on Earth. When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache and i refuse to clean it, because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.
But hey, I’m a tool guy. I won’t even wear flip-flops when I’m driving, because when something goes wrong, like a flat tire, I want sturdy shoes so I can hop out and use the necessary tools. This is not a burden. Dirtying my hands is not a bummer. The ability to use implements to improve is a bona fide superpower, and it’s my duty to put that power to use. Once you strap on a tool belt, the benefits become obvious. When your friends see the quilted maple blanket chest you made your wife for Valentine’s Day, they will both admire you and despise you, because all their wives will think you’re a champion. Proven fact: Women have a visceral reaction to a man who works with his hands. Flowers are a great gesture, but flowers in a handmade vase? Boom. Wood-burn a love note on the vase? Kabang. You’re a Viking. Prepare to pillage.