let me just wrap this up in the words of Louis C.K.:

I’m broke, is anyone else broke? You ever get so broke that the bank starts charging you money…for not having enough money? I’m fuckin’ broke, man. The bank called me up, they said ‘Hi, we’re calling you because you don’t have enough money.’ I said, I know! They said ‘You have insufficient funds,’ and I said, well, I agree with that. I find my funds to be grossly insufficient! Thanks for calling… Why are you mad at me? I don’t understand what…How is this something I’m doing to you? She was like, ‘Sir, you only have $20, that’s not enough. You can’t only have $20!’ I was like, look, I’m not being broke just to fuck with you, I really don’t have any money! I’m not trying to be a dick, I just…my life is shitty! So they charged me $15, that’s how much it costs to only have $20. But here is the fucked-up part, now I only have $5! What am I paying the $15 for if I don’t get to have the $20…that I paid to have! I paid the fuckin’ money, where is my $20? That’s like going to the movies, you pay for your ticket and they say ‘Get the fuck outta here, go home!’ …But I paid for the movie? ‘No, you paid for a ticket, motherfucker, you didn’t pay for a movie!’ You ever have negative money? That’s depressing, isn’t it? You look in your bank account and it says ‘negative $10,’ that’s how much I have now. Negative $10. That means I don’t even have no money now. I wish I did! I wish I didn’t have anything, I wish I just had nothing, but I have less than that! I don’t have none. I have not $10. If it’s free, I can’t fucking afford it! Someone could come up to me, ‘Hey, this is free!’ Fuck, that costs nothing! I can’t afford that, that’s more than I have! I gotta raise $10 to be broke! That’s not good. That’s bad! Apparently some of you are in the same fuckin’ position. How’s your economy doin’? Shit! I’m glad you appreciate that story, not everyone appreciates that story. I told that story about a week ago in Orange County, California with all these rich motherfuckers lookin’ at me they’re all lookin’ at me like, ‘Well, yeah. You were financially irresponsible and had to pay the price. I don’t frankly see why you’re angry about it. The bank had the right to approve a fee, clearly.’ That’s how different it is to be rich than it is to be poor! ‘Cause when you’re rich, the bank pays you for being rich! If you have a lot of money, they give you money! Because you have a lot of money! You have so much money that we should give you some! Because you have a lot, you should have more! Here, take more money! Take this guy’s $15, fuck him, you should have it! He doesn’t have enough, but you have a lot. Fine, take it all you motherfuckers, I don’t give a shit! You ever get so broke it just becomes funny to you after a while? You’re like, ‘Jesus Christ! I have no fuckin’ money! Jesus!’ People call you, ‘Hi, we’re gonna turn off the….” Fuck it! Turn it off, man! Turn it off, I don’t give a shit! ‘When can you make a payment?’ I ain’t payin’ anything, what am I gonna fuckin’ pay you with? I fuckin’ sold the phone, I don’t need it now. Damn it, man. Shit’s brutal.”

It’s not only that rents are rising; it’s also that a growing part of the population is trying to live in New York City on very modest incomes. According to the city’s own poverty measure, roughly 46 percent of New Yorkers were what is considered “near poor” in 2011. For a family of four, that means earning under $46,000 annually. With incomes that low, the Furman Center says that nearly a third of New Yorkers were what is called “severely rent burdened” in 2011 - which means they were spending more than half their monthly income on rent.

As Bloomberg Built Affordable Housing, City Became Less Affordable

anyone wanna move to Philly with me? who needs a 4am last call anyway when you can have chzsteaks whenever your heart desires?!

By the way, if you’re joining a company pre-salary, you’re a founder and deserve all the respect and privileges that come with being one: investor contact, full autonomy over your work, only fireable with a board vote, and whatever job title you want (except for CEO and possibly CTO). If you’re not getting these, then ignore everything else, do yourself a favor, and find a real job.
son of a… wish I knew this like five years ago when I started in this industry

things to enjoy in New York City that will surely leave you broke but happy

  • dream apartment slash “one day I’ll buy that house” hunting
  • furniture and antiques shopping 
  • food, and lots of it, always
  • fashion and seasonal clothing only if you were a model could you really pull off
  • actual apartment hunting to which $2500 is minimally required

and you wonder why so many people don’t have a proper savings account accrued in this city.

hey, wanna work with me? cool! pay up.

as a follow up to this:

starting March 1st I will be no longer doing pro-bono / favor gigs. it’s become very clear to me in the last few months how valuable I am, and even the smallest favors cost me time, energy, contacts, and yes - money. when you sign on to have a bunch of side gigs and still are living off unemployment, there’s a problem. and when people don’t return favors even when you bust your ass off for them, that’s even worse.

so it’s time to put up or shut up. I love helping people out - especially if I know you and admire your work - but if you really think I’d be so awesome as your “ambassador” then you’d fit me into your budget, somehow.

consider this a consultation fee. I’ll be working on a new rates sheet. expect to be billed.

here’s a full view of my portfolio if you’re interested.

I should be asleep and relaxed but I’m not. in fact, I’ve been going to bed angry ever since I got home. I’ve been somewhat productive, but more so … not. I’ve actually been stressed and aggravated.

I came here to start anew. but I’m just reminded of the things that have always pissed me off. one of the first conversations I had with my mom when I got here was that my student loan debt was too high and that something had to be done. the next little jabber was that I needed to get a job. cool. because it’s really that easy.

it’s not that I won’t accept responsibility on either of those matters - it’s the fact that this is the umpteenth time we’ve circled these issues. 

I come home every time to see my sister throw money away in my parents face. and every time, she gets away with it. she has no responsibilities, she has no real job and never had one, she just gets cash on a regular basis to “take care of her college expenses” but really just goes on shopping sprees. and then suffers no consequences. instead, I’m the one who has to hear on the phone my mom complaining that she won’t grow up and get herself a job. she has no idea what it is to hustle to pay bills or work for a paycheck. and it angers me. but it angers me beyond belief that my parents let it go year after year.

instead, though I need more money than I’ve ever needed in my life, I can’t go to them for help. I can’t ask them to pay my loans off or lend me money for rent because I immediately feel guilty. they can’t afford to help me out, because they’re busy giving her $100 to run around campus, go to parties, and see her boyfriend each weekend. so I come home to see her new shoes she just bought while I’m debating if it’s a good idea to buy myself lunch at Panera tomorrow since rent is due next week. 

it angers me that my parents screwed up my college career by fucking up the loan process, rendering me with nearly $100,000 in student loans. it angers me that they assume I can just get any job to pay them off. it doesn’t work that way. I’ve been at this for nearly 3 years, and receiving salary checks after salary checks, but each month coming up short. it angers me that they haven’t stepped up to the plate to take ownership of the debt - the mess that they created - to help me out. and it’ll never change, because I couldn’t tell them to their face, though I’m very close to it. they just don’t get how much debt they laid on my lap when I graduated and that I will be struggling now for the rest of my adult life to repay this education. it’s just a never ending circle of financial crisis.

today I job searched for roughly 20mins before I gave up. I know in the back of my mind I won’t ever make enough money to break even. no matter what lousy job I land, it won’t be enough. and surely, the fun jobs won’t pay enough. 

I hate that I have to lead a life defined by the money you make. I hate that this family has always been a family struggling to make ends meet. I hate that I’m now carrying this debt over my shoulders and there’s just nothing that can be done. if someone gave me a $5,000 check - heck even a $10,000 check - right now, I wouldn’t be close to paying off even ONE of my loans. sucktacular.

I don’t know really what the goal is to write this but having it on my mind and rotting up my thoughts isn’t helping my so called “break.” perhaps this week when they ask me again if I need money, I’ll blow up and finally get this all off my chest. 

sometimes I wish I never went to college, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with this for the rest of my life.