Well, you know, but you’re feeling bad, so you start thinking ‘Oh, what a waste of space, I’m a burden.’ You forget that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don’t you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance, revel in your majestic profile? ‘Oh, but I owe people a lot of money, everybody hates me.’ Hello, Europe! ‘Oh, but I killed someone!’ So, onion rings, firecrackers, who gives a shit? ‘Oh, but I’ve done some other horrible, unforgivable, unspeakable thing.’ There’s…79 billion of us now. Uh…Google it. Someone has done exactly what you have done, or worse, and is currently on a book tour. YOU’RE NEVER ALONE!
I do have a payment plan. I’m sending you $2 a year over a period of 7 million years.
Marc Maron can get it.
Going! RT @EugeneMirman: I’m performing at Bell House on 8/1 w/ @Toddbarry @Kristenschaaled @LeopoldAllen @80miles & Wyatt Cenac. Come!
YES! TONIGHT! CAN’T WAIT!!!
You shaved your head for V for Vendetta, did you also shave your V for Vagina?
Look, can you do me a favor? Can you please just die of AIDS already?
You’re the worst thing that happened to America.
And your mother’s a whore.