I was utterly depressed. I lay in bed all day, immobilized by guilt, fear, shame, and regret, my ashtrays overflowing with butts, unpaid bill stacks everywhere, dirty clothes heaped in the corners. At night, I lay awake with heart palpitations, terrors, bouts of self-loathing so powerful that only the thought of diving through my sixth-floor window gave my any comfort.

Anthony Bourdain, Kitchen Confidential (via kyliedftba)